Being a drug addict is hard enough, but loving a family member that is a drug addict as well is a whole different playing field. I never looked at the pain and sleepless nights that my family had while I was out using. I never thought about their feelings and how they would wait for that phone call saying that I overdosed on heroin. I am the daughter of a drug addict and alcoholic. And now I see what my family went through with me. I am powerless over her addiction. There are no words that I can say to help her, nor are there words that I can say that will force her to use. Whether she wants to get sober or not, it is all on her. Eventually I get sick over her addiction. And what I mean by sick is that I obsess about her addiction like I did with drugs. I try to do anything and everything I can to get her help, but none of it works. She is not willing yet. And I have to accept that. Having a drug addict mother has hurt me in many ways but it has also helped me. Her addiction has helped me create emotional and physical boundaries. I have come to the realization that all I can do is be there for her when she does want help. If she wants to continue to drink and use drugs then so be it. But I cannot be a part of her life while she is in that state.
